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Retro Watch - PRIDE 10: Return of the Warriors

Author : Andrew DeShazo

Saturday, 25 July 2009 15:07

Fightlockdown's Andrew DeShazo revisits and provides commentary for one of the greatest PRIDE events of all time. If you're up for some nostalgia and plenty of laughs, look no further.. this is The Retro Watch!

What's going on, guys? Long time, no retro watch, you know?
We get the ultra badass Pride beginning, introducing the fighters and showing clips of them whomping people.
We are at the Seibu Dome, outside, and there are a bunch of Sakuraba fans. Well, if you're going to be a fan, be a Saku fan! Can you imagine Yvel fans? Dude's eye-gouging people and talking down on ground dudes. Ken Shamock is with some blonde hottie, who played his sister in the WWF.
Eddie Bravo replaces Bas here, and I picture Ben DeWalt (one of our writers) looking like Bravo, but with a deep Jersey accent. If Bravo starts pimping dudes like Dida, then I'm convinced.
We get clips of Saku whomping various Gracies. One is the severely undersized Royler, and the other being Royce, which was an hour plus of Saku toying with Royce. I laugh whenever people call that fight a chess match. That was a toying, my friends.
Bravo actually looks like a normal human being, and isn't annoying. I'm guessing this was before he found pot.
Quadros is his usual annoying, AIDS-looking self. My goodness, Quadros sucks.
Belfort vs Matsui is up first, and Vitor is rocking wrestling shoes. Kid's gonna do some sprawlin'. Matsui knows he's screwed, but hey, it's Matsui and I love him. Matsui's always been underrated. Sure, he lost a lot, but the guy beat Pele in a great fight and gave Newton trouble in another great fight. Belfort is way bigger than Daijiro. Dude is shredded, while Matsui is quite pudgy. They stand there and do nothing for a minute, while Bravo is all "Belfort's gonna unleash!" Quadros puts his worthless 2 cents in. Matsui has his big toes taped up; I am very observant. Matsui shoots and Belfort immediately sprawls, gets his back and unleashes some punches on Matsui's pretty face. Matsui gets guard, and Belfort uses his BJJ blackbeltidness to lay on Matsui. Belfort unleashes and Matsui gives up his back AGAIN! Matsui looks to have eaten a cherry pie. This is a whomping and a long one at that. After the first, things become dull. I guess it was a good performance from a MW beating up someone who could cut to 170.
Now we're talking, Mezger vs Silva!!!!! Guy was pissed off here, as he knew that he had to match Wanderlei. Mezger's hair is quite astounding here, as I am jealous that I can't rock locks like his. Williams is the one with the BUCKET!! here. Telligman looks like he just worked out at the hotel gym. The Den rolls deep here. Silva enters to girly techno music, but Wanderlei is not girly. Pele is with him. Pretty meh staredown here, I am disappointed. Freakin' awesome fight, with Mezger slowly picking Wanderlei apart with precise punches and kicks, not to mention he uses nice angles. Wanderlei won't be denied though, and rips Mezger's head off. Oh, that was nice, Wandy headbutted Mezger and the ref did nothing. Pride really didn't like Guy. I guess it's because he screwed all of their wives.
Giant Ochiai vs Ricco Rodriguez is next. Oh wow, I can't wait for this one. Ricco is shown backstage eating Hostess Twinkies. No, I'm kidding....or am I? Ochiai is slapping hands with tomato cans and is punching walls. Ricco is rocking a swank robe. Ochiai is about a slobby as you can be, with hair like Josh Koscheck. Ricco isn't a fat, useless schlub here. I miss motivated Ricco. Ricco works Ochiai over for a while, and oddly enough, Quadros is really into this. Well, it is Quadros. He has no taste. Ochiai has some nasty back hair. Ricco subs Ochiai via mount smother. Yeah...
In an odd moment, Ochiai completely steals Ricco's thunder by yelling on the mic. He said he loved to be beaten.
It's a battle of the cheaters: Goodridge vs Yvel. Gary doesn't get to stick his feet in Yvel's crotch this time, as Yvel kicks his head off with ease. That was fun.
Mark Kerr is such a soft speaking guy. For a roided out junkie, he can cut a decent promo. Oh boy, Kerr gets to fight a Russian tomato can!!!!
Russian can is rocking purple undies, and he gets tapped by a can opener. Apparently, he died while getting his neck cranked.
Poor Enson. Poor, poor, poor Enson. I feel bad. Wait, no I don't. Igor Vovchanchyn was the baddest guy on the planet. Just a nasty beatdown, consisting of Igor bashing his brains in and putting him in the hospital. Bravo goes on about Enson's pants. We are witnessing a homicide here. Nasty GnP. Not quite as visually sadistic as Sergei vs Schilt, but this was pretty damn nasty. I mean, to casual fans, they'd be like "Oh, this pudgy chef is clocking this Asian gangsta," but with Schilt vs Sergei, people are like "EEEEEKKK!!!!" Enson's corner drags his carcass off and they stop the fight. Igor Vovy is awesome, people.
Ken Shamrock vs Fujita was too much fun. If you're into a muscle bound dude punching a Japanese bull in the face a lot, then you'll love this, and I loved this. At one point, all Rogan would talk about is this fight whenever Ken showed up in the UFC afterwards. Ken's sprawling is solid here, and his boxing is crisp. What happened to this Ken? After a while, Ken gets tired of punching Fujita in the face and quits. Meanwhile, Fujita's all "Why are you done punching my face in?" Shamrock excuse #366: I had heart problems. Frye, with his long hair, jaws at Ken the entire fight. I liked Ken pulling an Yvel here and holding the ropes.
Ryan Gracie, who was a giant waste of talent, beats the shit out of a New Japan Pro Wrestler. I actually liked their rematch, as it was turning out to be a solid fight until Ryan hurt himself. Ryan absolutely whomps this poor guy.
Here's the fight we all wanted: Renzo vs Sakuraba. Sakuraba was at his best here, as was Renzo. This fight lived up to expectations, and is a top 5. Matsui, with his hamburger face, is in Saku's corner. Dude's gangsta. Some nice striking from Saku, and Renzo obliges. Unlike Royce, Renzo would trade with fools, and was a true badass. Royce was some balding dude in pajamas. Now this is a chess match, and Renzo didn't know of Saku's gangsta swagger, and gets caught in a kimura. Renzo is a real dude, and gives Saku his props. I love this fight.
We end things here. Great show, one that remains one of MMA's best.