hahahahaha I knew i was done after this line. "i will force my wife to produce children with chuck norris". Though this was my fav line "the swarm of bearded 6 year old boys will reign a utterly barbarious attack upon your family roundhouse kicks left and right"
Though technically i don't think you can win because it technically wont be your kid. Adoption won't count here.
man i use to watch walker texas ranger all the time. That was the best show ever even though you knew it was always gonna end with a flying round house kick to the bad guy and Chuck making some corny joke. haha
you are making me bust out the big guns. i will force my wife to produce children with chuck norris, the swarm of bearded 6 year old boys will reign a utterly barbarious attack upon your family roundhouse kicks left and right, your wifes intestines will be used as insulated socks during our cold canadian winters. your son's skulls will be used for bowls and their scalps will be used as hats.
your shattered remains will lay in the wretched, broken and haunted home to slowly rot away in time untill your family comes to visit, but due to the foul nature of your home they become violently ill, constantly throwing up, shitting, and sneezing out chunks of their brain all at the same time, adding the the wretched, broken, and haunted remains of your home. it will stand as a testament in time to whomever wishes to mess with the bearded children of the north.
I'm sorry your plan would fail because once your wife is done destroying one of my children the other 7 would attack. I of course would have my wife assume large quantities of fertility pills to insure my success. I would also clone all of those children much like they did on the venture brothers.
i will have killed craig looong before this happens, he is ruining it for the rest of us. you better pray you have a son cause if you had a daughter you wouldn't have to worry bout my kid *creepy stare*. my wife will be prepared for any kind of pole vaulting action and scissor kick the shit out of your son then heel stomp him like that one dude from robocop 2.
A good plan. Except for the fact that it would be impossible to sneak up and attack my child as he would just pole vault out of the way with his massive member. Then land on top of your wife and make her chock on said member. Then when you show up in the van you will be met by Craig Hansen and arrested for your attempt to have sex with a child. You will of course be convicted because of the box of condoms, candy, and dildo i will place in the van. As well as the conversation i will have with a 12 year old pretending to be you.
then i will just make another, in which case when your kid is older my kid will sneak up on him as he is sleeping in late smashing his skull in with a rusty hatchet, then proceed to to claw your knee caps out with his own fingers and shove them down your throat, i will be busy throwing your future wife in the plazzvan and going at a minute rate along truck crossings around the state as you have to live your life breating through a tube and living a pained existence in a wheelchair as you have had your kneecaps clawed out by my own 8 or 9 year old son.
I'll just be sure to have a kid before you do. Then once your lady becomes pregnant my child will wait until she is 8 months along and then do her and kill the child inside with his massive member (which of course is hereditary). He will of course perform this action after he's done tearing you limb from limb.